Bittersweet

This morning as I sit here, I'm thinking constantly about the fact that, if plans had gone the way I had wanted, I would be on a plane getting ready to arrive in Nicaragua right now. The medical mission trip that I had been dreaming of and planning for started today. And until about 12 days ago, I was going. I had a plane ticket and was packed and ready. But, as we all know, sometimes OUR plans don't go OUR way.

After we told our families that I was pregnant, I had a total revolt from everyone :). No one seemed to think it was safe for me to go. I had thought through it, and since I've been before, thought through the actual physical part of it, and had decided I still wanted to go. But, it's hard to make a decision concerning not only yourself, but another someone else, without the total support of your family. So, very reluctantly, I made the call to say that I wouldn't be going.

In retrospect, I have to say that I KNOW it was the right decision. The day after I made the call to cancel, I got the results of some lab I had had drawn, and some hormone levels were low. Not to go into too many details, but all of the sudden my pregnancy went from totally healthy and normal, to needing some extra intervention. At that point of course I was freaking out, and was so thankful that the burden of making a decision was already made.

The thing that made my decision so hard, was that I knew God had called me to go on this trip. It wasn't just a "dream" of mine, but something that I knew I had been called to do. I just kept feeling that if I didn't go, then I wasn't trusting God to take care of me and my baby. But, my mom said something to me that really hit home. She said that sometimes God calls us to do things just to see if we wil be obedient. I feel like I was obedient to the bitter end. Then when I made the decision not to go, I felt VERY peaceful about the decision. I know in my heart that I will have MANY more opportunities to go to Nicaragua. And when I do go, I want to be able to give it my ALL, with nothing holding me back or making me nervous or timid.

So, will you please join me this week in praying for the team that left this morning for Nicaragua. They will have so many opportunities to touch so many people not just physically, but spiritually as well. Every single person that comes to one of the medical clinics will be presented with the gospel before they leave. Please pray for safety and effectiveness for all of the team.

And on a VERY happy note, I had a doctor's appointment this week and we were able to get another look at the baby! Here are the pictures of our #3!

After all that has been going on with my pregnancy, I can't even explain the relief when she placed the transducer on my tummy and these images immediately came up. The heart was beating away and we got to see and hear it. It was one of those moments when you realize you haven't really been breathing for days, and all of the sudden you can again. Thank you Jesus for our sweet baby.

On the subject of baby, after we got home from that appointment I just knew there was NO WAY I could wait 4 weeks to see/hear the baby again. So, I got on the internet and found a place to rent a fetal doppler machine. Seriously, how totally awesome is that!!! In the past when I have been pregnant I was working a lot, and I could just use the doppler at work for my little "fix", but since I'm not working much right now that just wasn't going to do. So, I ordered a doppler. It came yesterday and can I tell you how much I HEART IT!!! There is absolutely nothing more reassuring in the world than just listening to your baby's heartbeat whenever you want!! As soon as it came yesterday I pulled it out of the box and listened!! Pure bliss!!! Then Sharon came down and we listened to her baby too! Just too fun!

So, if you happen to be expecting, or are thinking about it in the future, I highly recommend my new toy. Twenty bucks a month is a very small price for the instant reassurance/gratification I am getting!! Hope everyone has a great Saturday!