Not good...

I am about to be SO behind on blogging, but I have felt like I couldn't blog anything else until I wrote this one out.  I have been dreading it, but these are memories I want to remember, so here goes...

After the boys and my parents left on Monday my Aunt Jan and cousin Richard got here to help take care of GaGa and Dessa while we were all gone traveling.  Travis and I were leaving Thursday morning for Vegas!!!  Dessa was still in the hospital, but doing better.  The doctor actually told me on Monday that she would be discharged back to the nursing home the next day.

By Tuesday afternoon Dessa was doing much worse.  She had an episode where her heart rate was in the 170's and she was having chest pain.  She obviously didn't get to go home, and the doctor started talking to us about admitting her to hospice.  I went to visit and she was obviously weaker, but still trying to talk to me and smiling.  She still had an IV for hydration and had eaten a big breakfast that morning.

On Wednesday she was still weak and not doing any better.  The doctor came by and said she felt it was time to move her to hospice.  My Aunt Jan went to talk to GaGa about it and he agreed.  They agreed that she would come get him the next morning at 10:00 so he could go visit her.  This was late in the afternoon.  I was planning to head to the hospital to visit after I dropped the dogs off at the kennel around 5:00.  (I had been at home doing laundry and getting Beau packed for NaNa's and Travis and I ready for Vegas).

I was on the way to the hospital around 5:30 when I called my parents to just check in.  My mom told me then that Dessa had just passed away.  I was totally stunned!!!  She was no where near that bad when I had seen her less than 24 hours before.  I was on.my.way. to the hospital to see her.  I was SO SO sad just blown away by the quickness of it all.

I got to the hospital and got to see her before they took her away.  I was very thankful for a chance to say good-bye.  She was such an amazing lady and I loved her so much.  I felt like I was just getting to really know her for the first time in my life.

As it turned out, by the time my Aunt Jan got back from talking to GaGa they had JUST moved her into the hospice room.  She had been there for about 5 minutes.  She looked up at Jan and gave her a big smile and Jan told her that GaGa was coming to visit in the morning.  She laid her head back and took a few more big breaths and was gone.  Very peaceful and with no distress.  For that I am very thankful and I KNOW she is in a wonderful place now.

After we finished up the details at the hospital Jan, Richard, and I went to tell GaGa.  That had to be the hardest thing I have done so far in my life.  He took the news very well, broke down for just a few minutes, and then talked about how lucky they were to have had 63 years together.  He was immediately making plans for the funeral.  He preferred to do it as soon as possible.

So, over the next few hours and many phone calls between my mom and I, decisions were made.  The funeral was to be a graveside service held in ElDorado on Saturday morning at 10:00.  My mom decided that she would fly into Little Rock on Friday, drive to ElDorado for the service, then fly back to DC on Saturday night.  My dad and the boys would continue the trip without her while she was gone.

During this time Travis called and tried to cancel/re-schedule our trip.  Because it was less that 24 hours from our departure time it was totally nonrefundable.  After talking to my mom and my Aunt Jan about it for a really long time, we made the decision to go ahead and go.  It was a very difficult decision, and I cried a million tears that night.

When I finally got back to Greenwood that night I sat down and wrote GaGa a letter explaining the situation.  I knew he would understand, but I SO didn't want him to be disappointed in me.  My Aunt Jan gave it to him the next morning.  She said that he did understand and that I had made the right choice to go ahead with our trip.  This is a VERY difficult decision and I spent most of Thursday morning in tears, not sure I had made the right choice.  Thankfully, Travis totally understood and was so supportive.  I'm sure the people in the airport terminal at XNA thought I was crazy.  But, we did have an amazing time and I'm so glad we went!

From what everyone said, the service was very nice.  Just what GaGa wanted.  He held up very well, and came back to Ft. Smith on Sunday.  He moved back to his apartment at Brookfield on Monday and is doing really well.  My Aunt Jan and Uncle Hugh V are still here this week, just spending time visiting with GaGa.

I'm just so thankful for my family.  Thankful that everyone was able to pull together during this crisis.  I'm also thankful that GaGa is doing better and is back living in a place that he likes.  I'm praying every day that he can stay healthy and live as independently as possible for a very long time.